More world issues in terms people from the South Bay can understand

More world issues in terms people from the South Bay can understand

Sectarian civil war in Iraq: Imagine if for decades the South Bay was ruled by an evil beach-hating dictator who prohibited anyone from surfing. Then imagine if an invasion from Pasadena finally freed residents of the South Bay from this tyranny. Then, as Pasadena tries to coax the residents into forming a government, the effort is derailed because of violence breaking out between shortboarders and longboarders.

Iran successfully enriching uranium: Imagine if tiny El Segundo suddenly announced that it had the power to disable every sports utility vehicle in Manhattan Beach, Hawthorne, Redondo Beach, Torrance and Palos Verdes.

NSA wiretapping scandal: Imagine if the Mayor of Torrance started illegally listening in on the cell phone calls of everyone in the city, using his War on Traffic as a justification.

Vice-president's shooting accident: Imagine if Hermosa Beach Mayor Burgie Benz accidentally body-slammed a friend into the hospital while partying at the annual Ironman run-paddle-drink contest. And then imagine if he kept it a secret for a day, only to reveal it to the Chamber of Commerce newsletter instead of the Easy Reader.

White House security leaks: Imagine if – in an effort to bolster support for his War on People Who Don't Golf – Donald Trump (owner of the new Trump National Golf Course in Palos Verdes) leaked to the press cherry-picked evidence that people who don't golf also hate dolphins and seals.

Immigration reform: Imagine if so many real estate agents were flocking to the area that people began to complain that they were draining our resources and reducing the number of listings available for home-grown agents. Then imagine if Shorewood Realtors, RE/MAX and South Bay Brokers backed a plan to allow these "illegal Realtors" to stay and work for a few years if they agreed to accept lower commissions, learn the language and eventually earn the right to hold open houses and use cell phones. Others, who are against amnesty, want to round up all these agents and ship them to the high desert where they would have to market tract homes and wait their turn to practice in the South Bay.

Hurricane Katrina response: Imagine if suddenly every chain coffee outlet, such as Starbucks and Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, in the South Bay suddenly closed, and the best local government could do in response was offer Folgers.

(April 13, 2006)