By Garrison Frost

Religious fundamentalism
While the dispute over the merits of longboards versus short boards is a storied one, imagine if suddenly those who preferred short boards began to claim that their way reflected their own deeper sense of values. Moreover, these people might claim, short boards are more patriotic, more American. While surfboard preference used to be up to the individual, these people now might say that choice was immoral. God, in the Bible, they might say, has said that there is only one choice: " ... and the man shall not walk on the seas on a tree longer than he is high ...." Try as they might to point out sections of the Constitution that prohibit the government from dictating one type of surfboard over another, longboarders would find themselves unable to fight those who would teach shortboarding in public schools and pass a Constitutional amendment banning longboarders from marrying one another.

The rise of China as an economic power
Manhattan Beach has long been considered the home of beach volleyball. Well, imagine if Lawndale had a billion volleyball players, all of them anxious to come to the beach and play.

War in Iraq
What if a beach city with a big shopping mall, like Torrance, suddenly claimed that another city, such as Hawthorne, was trying to develop a shopping mall of its own, one that might destabilize fashion in the entire region. Despite the testimony of several independent inspectors from Inglewood and Lomita that Hawthorne isn't harboring a shopping mall program, Torrance nonetheless claims it has intelligence to the contrary and invades. Those who oppose the war are called soft-minded and anti-Torrance. As the occupation of Hawthorne begins to bog down, and no evidence of a shopping mall program ever surfaces (not even an Old Navy), leaders of Torrance begin to claim that the real reason they invaded was to free the people of Hawthorne from high-carbohydrate diets.

European Union Constitution
Imagine if after years of being perceived as a single entity by everyone but themselves, the cities that make up the Palos Verdes Peninsula begin to take tentative steps toward unified policies on everything from parking regulation to peacock chasing in the hope of challenging the hegemony of the beach cities and Torrance. As a final agreement nears, Rolling Hills Estates suddenly rises in opposition, claiming that the proposed rules violate its traditional right to look down on people, a development that throws into jeopardy the application of Lomita to join the union.

Arab-Israeli conflict
Imagine if surfers from east of Sepulveda – a historically maligned bunch long unable to find a surf break of their own – were to claim that it was their destiny to take the Manhattan Beach El Porto surf break exclusively for themselves. In order to fulfill this destiny, however, these surfers from east of Sepulveda would have to push aside the local surfers who have paddled the El Porto break for as long as anyone can remember. As one would expect, hostilities would break out and, in the end, what used to be a great place to surf turns into a really big bummer.

(June 2, 2005)

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