Just a quick note to let you know that I wasn't impressed by your effort. If you want get noticed around here, you're going to have to do a lot better – more color, more rays of light, more dramatic wind, more ethereal clouds, more everything.

Apparently, you have forgotten that this is the South Bay of Los Angeles County, and that people here have been scrutinizing sunsets for hundreds of years. That mess last Saturday night might have impressed the folks in St. Louis, but it just won't fly here. Do you think we walk out the door every day and ask our friends and neighbors if they saw last night's sunset? That would be ridiculous, because clearly every evening's sunset isn't worth noting, needless to say celebrating. Only the best get talked about the next day, and I'm sure nobody was talking about you on Sunday.

We look at 365 sunsets a year. Some of us have lived here for decades and seen thousands of them. So, it's safe to say that we know a thing or two about the subject. We know what a good one looks like: how much orange and red you need in the sky, how blue the water should be, exactly how much sun you need. And it's not like we keep this stuff a secret. You can't claim ignorance. We've got pictures of the good ones on postcards and calendars in every gift shop downtown. Local artists and photographers sell them by the pound. But you, no, you don't seem to need any advice. You just come traipsing in with that freak show of yours. Of course I only speak for myself, but I'm sure it wasn't appreciated.

Of course it's possible that some of the tourists thought differently – those few who hail from areas where it's cloudy all the time and any sunset at all is cause for some kind of drunken pagan ritual. But I doubt it. These are people who are paying top dollar to come and stay in our hotels and eat in our restaurants. Odds are, they've done some research, so they know to expect only the best. And I'll bet they were more than a little disappointed.

As for the locals, I'm sure I've made it clear where we stand. But let me just summarize by saying that last Saturday night was totally forgettable. I'll tell you, I keep a camera in my glove compartment just so I can catch those perfect moments out over the ocean. But I never even thought about bringing it out. Next time, bring your A-game, or don't even bother.

Sincerely,
Garrison Frost

(Nod to McSweeney's)

(March 28, 2006)

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