An Open Letter

An open letter to the woman I saw driving a Yukon on Pacific Coast Highway while drinking coffee and talking on a cell phone

I just wanted to say that I saw you. I saw you yesterday on Pacific Coast Highway right around South High in Torrance. You were driving your silver Yukon and I was in my black Saturn 4-door. You were holding a cell phone in your left hand and driving with your right hand, which was also holding what looked to be a large cup of coffee from one of the chain coffee shops. I imagine it was a flavored latte-fluffy-ccino-something-or-other. You had maybe one finger on the wheel, two at the most.

I have only this to say to you: What were you thinking?

In case you haven't heard, drivers are more likely to have accidents in SUVs than in other vehicles. This has a lot to do with the weight of the things and the fact that they don't handle nearly as well as passenger vehicles that have better steering and brakes. In short, even with both hands on the wheel, you are more likely to get in an accident than just about anyone else on the road. And because of the size of your stupid Yukon, you are more likely to severely injure someone else in that accident than you are likely to get hurt yourself. That is why your driving with two fingers yesterday was the height of selfish stupidity.

But perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps you actually -- as a result of some bizarre scientific experiment -- have extra hands that were actually on the wheel when I saw you. I use the plural because it would have taken two extra hands to meet the minimum requirements for driving your half-ton vehicle piece of nonsense. That said, I'm fairly certain you didn't have an extra head on your shoulders, which you would have needed to concentrate on the road. After all, you can't tell me your mind was on the road with that phone call from your mother to take and the fear of letting that latte go cold.

Imagine if I'd forced you to stand in a small room with me while I swung a baseball bat blindfolded and you will undertand my feelings toward you. I hope I never see you again on the road.

Sincerely,

Garrison Frost

(Nov. 15, 2004)