Parking ticket = dissident martyrdom

Going to the beach = going to church

Surfing = praying

Littering on the beach = taking a crap on the circulation desk of your local library

Ignoring your neighbors = being neighborly

Real estate loan fraud = customer service

Bulldozing history = exercising property rights

Driving while on cell phone = productive multi-tasking

Limiting public input = fast-tracking

Promoting cosmetic procedures to people who don't need it = (see real estate loan fraud)

Misuse of school bond revenue = jaywalking on an empty street with no witnesses

Support for the arts = frivolous waste

Not letting any merge ever = homeland security

Calling the city when you don?t like the color of your neighbor's patio umbrella = civic pride

Driving a vehicle that will crush other vehicles, regardless of fault = consumer choice

Looking at a sunset = viewing fine art

Being on a school board = being king or queen

Drinking Starbucks coffee = drinking from the chalice at mass

Taking the bus = visiting Jupiter

Being a real estate agent = running a nonprofit organization for the blind

Being a public servant = throwing one's life away

Listening to punk rock = listening to folk music

The right to own a dog, no matter how loud or vicious = the right to bear arms

Golfing = (see surfing)

Misuse of public funds = a difference of opinion

(May 6, 2004)

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