As a South Bay resident, you're darn lucky if you've never ...

Stepped in tar.

Had a neighbor build a second story and block your view.

Had to wait until 11:30 p.m. on a weeknight for your local city council to vote on a controversial issue in your neighborhood.

Haven't gotten sick from swimming in the ocean.

Had to spend all night wondering why that damned police helicopter is circling over your house.

Had to enter the Del Amo Fashion Mall in the month of December.

Received a street sweeping ticket.

Had to use a public restroom at the beach.

Stood in line to enter a bar full of people you would rather punch in the face than share a drink with.

Had to get anywhere near the beach in a hurry on the Fourth of July.

Had to, while swimming in the ocean, dodge a runaway longboard owned by some dork who doesn't believe in leashes.

Had to listen to some bloated ass tell you that what's good for the Chamber of Commerce is good for the city as a whole.

Stepped in dogshit or urine while walking barefoot on The Strand.

Received mail from a real estate agent.

Made the mistake of using old sunscreen.

Seen shit floating in King Harbor.

Had to pay to play tennis.

Seen what passes for art at Fiesta Hermosa

Had to change a tire on the 405.

Been told to stay inside because of emissions from one of the local refineries.

Felt that your hometown is being taken over by rich people who don't care about its history or traditions.

Had to wait more than three changes of a light to get through an intersection.

Had to sleep with peafowl in your neighborhood.

Gone to Starbucks because you couldn't think of anywhere else to sit and read.

Thought somebody at the grocery store was talking to you, only to find out the person was talking on a cell phone.

Heard someone make a racist remark.

Had to listen to more than three minutes of the Hyperion Outfall Serenaders.

Had to wait more than an hour for a seat at a restaurant for breakfast on a weekend.

Had a public official in your city arrested.

(June 10, 2004)

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