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A Los Angeles developer visits an East Coast urban community of significant historical importance
"This is all very nice and all, but I would change some things right off. First, we have to do something about this name. Sure, the name is pre-Revolutionary War and it is in all the history books, but I'm not getting much of a sense of place from it. Your suburban yuppies need to know that they're investment is going to pay off long-term and by long-term I mean double in the next year. And that means a name with a prepositional phrase in it. Something like The Brownstones at Historic Center or The Maple Trees at Patriot Junction. I'm just thinking out loud, but you might be able to work with these.
"This all looks very old. Buyers today want new construction. They like things that look old, but only if they're new, you know? They want to feel like the place was built for them. This actually looks old, really old. With these old buildings, you don't get a lot of custom add-ons. When people buy a place, they want to have some choices about the size of the kitchen, the appliances, the flooring, one-care garage or two-.
"Which brings me to the brick. Yeah, everybody says they like the brick walls, but when you get a few years down the road, this brick really becomes a maintenance issue. That's why I would really suggest covering this all up with stucco. Nice and clean. And these wood windows. That's going to be a real problem down the line. You want to go aluminum all the way. Some of this leaded glass, sure that looks nice, but again, a serious maintenance problem. I use double pain, pre-hung all the way. Looks real clean and nice and no problems the next year. And I don't know what they've got for roofs up there, but I'm guessing these are flat roofs. Really, this Old World look is really not the way to go at all. Spanish is what you want. Then you get the stucco and the tiled roof and everything looks nice and clean. And the wives really like the Mediterranean look. It's like Tuscany. I wouldn't use the brick at all in new construction. Do you have earthquakes laws here? Do you have earthquakes? I look at this street and I think, wow, one or two Richters and this is all rubble.
"And what are these, elm trees? Maple? I know that's an old oak tree. Anyway, sure, this stuff looks great in the fall, but all these leaves are going to be all over the place and you'll have another maintenance issue on your hands. I look at this and think Leafblower City. I'll bet you've got a big mess on your hands every year. What you really need are some of those palms trees that come in a box already full size. You just get a crane and a couple of guys and you never have to think about them. They don't need a lot of water, they don't need to be trimmed.
"And the palm trees would help with these sidewalks. What did I say about brick? Look at these sidewalks, all uneven from the roots from these big old rooty trees you've got everywhere. The bricks are falling apart and those that aren't have got old cigarettes in between. Yeah, I would adios these trees, put in some palms, pull out these brick sidewalks and put in some kind of recycled material that doesn?t crack or break. They make this stuff out of old tires that would be great here. Comes in any color. Real cheap and no maintenance. Looks just like poured cement.
"And what are you gonna do for parking around here? I don't know about here, but back in L.A. we've got codes that tell us how much parking for every square foot. I'd go underground, maybe even buy out a couple of these homes and build structures. You could put a false front on them so nobody would even know it wasn't a four-story walk-up.
"Don't even get me started on that cute little commercial village down nearby. Don't they know that people like to see parking. You've got to push the business back and put the parking in the front. And I didn't see any of the big four supermarket, home improvement, office, family restaurant anywhere in there. Really, they're going to need a Chili's or an Office Depot if they're going to go to the next level.
"And man, this weather. We don't get snow like this back in L.A. But I tell you, if we did, we'd find a way to fix it. That's what these people should do."
Garrison Frost
(Nov. 20, 2006)
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