If Palos Verdes erupted ...

People would stop calling it The Hill, and start calling it The Crater.

The average home sale price in Los Angeles County would go down, a lot.

We would probably have heard the last from that ham-radio guy.

Many, many real estate agents would have to find another line of work.

Air quality to the northeast of the area might actually improve somewhat.

Those on one side of the area's peacock infestation issue will find some small solace.

The Palos Verdes Art Jury would try to cite Mother Nature for failing to secure proper approvals for landscaping alternations.

Whales migrating through the Catalina Channel might spend some time watching us, for a change.

Local plein air artists would have to learn to incorporate flying fireballs into their work or abandon the style of painting altogether.

Donald Trump would be very, very bummed.

Neighborhood disputes over view obstruction would fall to an all-time low.

The distinction between Rancho Palos Verdes and Palos Verdes Estates would seem rather trivial.

Lava flows would force Lunada Bay surfers to other South Bay venues, where they would be treated surprisingly well, given what dicks they've been to everyone else.

We will have seen the last of the Dominator, that's for sure.

Ocean view properties in Lomita and Torrance will start to pull top dollar, after the dust plume blows away.

Deterred by the lack of challenging inclines – as well as the preponderance of sulfuric gas – bicycle riders will learn to train elsewhere.

South Bay surfers will no longer have to drive to Orange County and Malibu to take advantage of the good south swells.

Patrons of at least five golf courses would need to seek other places to play.

Complaints about "airplane noise" would turn into complaints about "volcano noise."

People would stop talking about all that weird ground movement in Portuguese Bend.

(Feb. 17, 2005)

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