Suggested ways to observe Lent in the South Bay

Suggested ways to observe Lent in the South Bay

The Christian period of Lent began yesterday, Ash Wednesday, and will run through Easter Sunday. It is a centuries-old tradition to observe Lent by giving up something one loves such as sweets, alcohol or television. This denial is intended to represent the 40 days that Jesus Christ spent suffering in the desert. While this tradition is intended to only serve God, many of the faithful use it as a way to better themselves. In this vein, we offer a few suggestions to our friends in the South Bay:

Resist rolling your eyes every time a car that isn't an SUV pulls in front of you.

For 40 mornings, use the dinged-up longboard in the garage instead of the $700 Becker.

Don't bulldoze over any home that is more than 20 years old.

Don't build any cubist condos.

Don't promote the idea that plastic surgery is a form of self-improvement or healthcare.

Try, for 40 days, to abstain from talking about the value of your home.

Order the Tall instead of the Venti®.

Or better, just stay out of Starbucks altogether.

Send handwritten letters, instead of emails, when you can.

When you go to breakfast, leave your ridiculous giant dog at home.

Pay your nanny's Social Security taxes.

Say something nice to people you don't know, instead of calling the cops on them.

Refrain from taking an ad out in the newspaper with your picture in it.

For 40 days, resist blaming every city problem on renters or visitors to the area.

Play music in your car at a level that can't be heard three blocks away.

Instead of using the word "awesome," say something else, and be judicial with your "likes."

During this 40-day period, meet at least one of your neighbors.

Give money to a homeless person, instead of calling the cops on him.

Play "old rules" beach volleyball.

Go the entire period of Lent without putting on a Reyn Spooner shirt.

Do not set foot in a mall until Easter – particularly the Del Amo Mall.

Promise to only use your cell phone for emergencies and important business.

And turn the damn thing off in restaurants.

– Garrison Frost

(Feb. 10, 2005)