"I worry about terrorists."

"I worry about CVS."

"What?"

"CVS. I worry about CVS."

"I heard you, but what do you mean you worry about CVS?"

"I mean, I worry about CVS. You worry about terrorists. I worry about CVS."

"But that's ridiculous. They're not remotely the same thing."

"I never said they were the same thing. Now who sounds ridiculous?"

"But they're not even in the same universe. They don't belong in a conversation together."

"Terrorists want to kill you. CVS doesn't want to kill you."

"I never said it did."

"But you said you worry about CVS, and the fact that you said that in response to my saying that I worry about terrorists implies that the level of concern is the same."

"I simply said that I worry about CVS."

"But you said that after I told you I worry about terrorists, after I introduced the concept. Are you saying that you worry more about CVS than you do about terrorists?"

"Look, there's been a Sav-on drug story near my house ever since I move there. It's probably been there for decades. Now, about two blocks further down the road there has been a big vacant lot with a rusted old car wash on it, and it's been like for years. A few months ago, someone finally bought the land, tore down the old car wash and built this giant CVS. It's huge – three stories tall, lit like the Coliseum, and ocean of parking spaces surrounding it. While they were building this CVS, they started changing things at the Sav-on. Just the other day, they took down the Sav-on sign and put up a CVS sign. They built this giant CVS store from nothing and bought another store two blocks away and turned it into a CVS as well."

"So?"

"So three months ago CVS means nothing to me, now I've got them all over the place."

"And that worries you?"

"It worries me more than the terrorists worry me."

"But the terrorists are trying to kill you."

"The terrorists are not trying to kill me."

"They want to kill all Americans. You're an American."

"Hating all Americans and killing me are two different things. As if killing me would in any way help their cause. I don't see my name on a jihad. I'm just a random guy."

"But they hate all Americans."

"Let them hate all Americans. I'm indifferent to them. There are 300 million of us, 300 million totally random individuals just like me. You want to worry about something, worry about cholesterol."

"You don't realize that we're in a war, and just because you don't see it in front of you doesn't mean it's not happening. You should worry about terrorists."

"You can worry about the terrorists. I will worry about the CVS."

(Nov. 17, 2006)

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